Someone excellent at English writing?? Please help me make this flow smoothly??

For the next few weeks, I worked hard at my job and impressed the manager very much. I was so industrious and so punctilious that Ben offered me an auditor’s position at a higher pay rate. When he saw how well I supervised the cashiers and handled the money, he positioned me as the vice manager. This was my chance to demonstrate my skills in managing the bank’s income, organizing investments or loans, and inventing new ways to make the bank more productive.

At the end of the year, I went to Ben’s house for dinner. He looked into my face with eloquent eyes and said to me, “Rosie, ever since the day I met you, I admired your hard effort and determination to do your job well. I have asked the boss, and he has agreed to make you the bank manager next year, since you are worthy to replace my position.”

I lost my breath and whispered, “Thank you, but that doesn’t really matter much to me. All I really need is you, Ben. I love you.”

Someone excellent at English writing?? Please help me make this flow smoothly??auto financing

he Rise of Rhoda – Elijah Grigg

Brisbane was a lonely town, especially in the drought season. The sun scorched the rooftops of houses, and the paint flaked off like dead skin on a sunburned victim. As I stared out of the window, I saw the prickly shrubs give up the fight, their antlers shriveling in defeat. The soil was a rugged sisal mat that stretched for miles, ruled by a pitiless sun that burned everything it touched. The hissing and buzzing of insects welcomed one and all to this corner of hell.

I turned around only to hear Mom’s irritable voice, “I’m sick of living in a swelter box. You girls are leaving with me in twenty minutes, and we’re moving on to Melbourne.”

My sister, Laura, and I remained still as though we were shocked by what Mom had just said. I could sense the tension creeping up inside of us ever since that drunken girl killed our three husbands in a car accident.

Someone excellent at English writing?? Please help me make this flow smoothly??

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oops i click the wrong rating...it should%26#039;ve been 5 star lol Report It

|||haha LOL! it%26#039;s okay! i expected u to choose the 1 rating..haha Report It

|||For the next few weeks, I worked hard at my job and impressed the manager, Ben, very much. I was so industrious and punctilious that Ben offered me an auditor’s position at a higher pay rate. When he saw how well I supervised the cashiers and handled the money, he positioned me as the vice manager. This was my chance to demonstrate my skills in managing the bank’s income, organizing investments or loans, and finding new ways to make the bank more productive.

At the end of the year, I went to Ben’s house for dinner. His eloquent eyes locked with mine, and he said to me, “Rosie, ever since the day I met you, I have admired your hard effort and determination to do your job well. I have asked the boss, and he has agreed to make you the bank manager next year, since you are worthy to replace me.”

I lost my breath and whispered, “Thank you, but that doesn’t really matter much to me. All I really need is you, Ben. I love you.”

This was already well-written, by and large. There are only the few changes I have written.|||You%26#039;re pretty close, actually! A few %26quot;tweaks%26quot; and you%26#039;re there ...

Over the next few weeks, I worked hard at my job and greatly impressed my manager, Ben. With always being concientious and industrious, Ben offered me an auditor%26#039;s position at higher pay. In seeing how well I handled the money and supervised the cashiers, Ben then promoted me to vice-manager. This was my chance to show my skills in managing the bank%26#039;s income, organizing investments and loans and suggesting new ways for the bank to become more productive.

At the end of the year, I went to Ben%26#039;s house for dinner. With eloquent eyes, he looked at me and explained, %26quot;Rosie, ever since the day we met, I have admired your effort and determination to do your job well. I have recommended you to the boss to replace me next year as bank manager; I am retiring and you are most worthy.%26quot;

I lost my breath and whispered, %26quot;Thank you, but this doesn%26#039;t really much matter to me. All I really need is you, Ben. I love you.%26quot;|||For the next few weeks I impressed the manager by working diligently at my job. He was so impressed by my assertiveness that he offered me a promotion as an auditor. When he saw how well the staff responded to me, and how well I handled the cash flow, he made me the assistant manager. This was my opportunity to demonstrate my ability to direct the bank%26#039;s revenue, organize the investments, and increase production.

At the end of the year, Ben invited me to his home for dinner. He gazed into my face profoundly and said, %26quot;Rosie, ever since the day I met you, I%26#039;ve admired your efforts and determination to be proficient in your job. I%26#039;ve discussed it with the boss and he agrees that you should replace me as bank manager next year. You deserve it.%26quot;

I was at a loss for words. I leaned in and whispered softly, %26quot;Thank you, however that doesn%26#039;t matter much to me. All I need is you, Ben. I%26#039;m in love with you.%26quot;|||My Edited or Corrected Edition:

For the past few weeks, I worked feverishly at my job, and impressed the manager so much with my punctuality and dedication, that he offered me an auditor%26#039;s position, which ensured a higher rate of pay. He was also very impressed with my ability to supervise my subordinates, especially the cashier, and decided once more, that he would further promote me to Vice Manager. This new position offered me the leeway to show my organizational skills, investment know-how, and creative ways. And suggesting to the Bank (my employer), new avenues to invest in, for accruing higher dividends.

Ben, my manager who prefers that we relate informally on the job, invited me to dinner at his home at Christmas. At the dinner table, he told his wife that from the first day of my employ, he noticed my dedication, hard work, and a determination to do a good and thorough job. So he mentioned this observation to his supervisor, who agreed to elevate me to Bank Manager in the coming year.

I was flabbergasted by this proposal, but ventured to say, that I would prefer to remain in my current position, so long as I am close to you Sir!

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