Please help!! Someone who is an excellent English writer?? Please help me make these paragraphs flow

For the next few weeks, I worked hard at my job and impressed the manager very much. I was so industrious and so punctilious that Ben offered me an auditor’s position at a higher pay rate. When he saw how well I supervised the cashiers and handled the money, he positioned me as the vice manager. This was my chance to demonstrate my skills in managing the bank’s income, organizing investments or loans, and inventing new ways to make the bank more productive.

At the end of the year, I went to Ben’s house for dinner. He told me, “Rosie, ever since the day I met you, I admired your hard effort and determination to do your job well. From now on, you will be partners with me as a bank manager, since you are worthy even to replace my position.”

Please help!! Someone who is an excellent English writer?? Please help me make these paragraphs flow smoothly?rate my

why didn%26#039;t u use one question to state it all and to prevent loss of points? lol

Please help!! Someone who is an excellent English writer?? Please help me make these paragraphs flow smoothly? loan

I would use something along the lines of %26quot;My good luck did not stop there.%26quot;|||Change #1: For the next few weeks, I worked vigorously to impress the manager.

Change #2: The 2nd sentence can be cut out completely.

Change #3: After my hard work was recognized, Ben gave me a chance to demonstrate my skills as the Vice Manager. This would entail managing the bank%26#039;s income, creating new ways to make the bank more productive, and organzing investments and loans.

Change #4: The paragraphs seem to jump over long lengths of time so put something between them to make the time run smoother.

Other than those few things, it%26#039;s good.|||For the last few weeks, bank%26#039;s income, organizing investments,loans and inventing|||?? What%26#039;s wrong with these paragraphs they seem to flow smoothly to me.

So how can I help you exactly? As an english professor I find nothing wrong with these paragraphs perhaps you needed help continuing this?

My hard work continued to show amazing results, I was then awarded a promotion which took my occupation to the next level.|||i like ur paragraph it flows except for the first sentence but the rest is good.=)

-- For the next coupple of weeks i have impressed my manger because i have perfromed an amazing job at _____.

nn

that bascially it..

WEll DOne!!

i like ur VOCAB.

there isnt much editing as far as i could c

good luck on ur paragraph

not that i could help or anything

im just here to congratulate u!!=)_